Funny Stories

Ok if you've come across a funny story, please post it here.

I'll start, I couldnt stop laughing the first time I read it!

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could
live if they pass a test. The first step of the test was to go
to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten
apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to
shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your
face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out
in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the
king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this
should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the
ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one
asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The
second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy
coming with pineapples."

One night, Bill Clinton had been out on a binge. He drank himself silly. After last call, the Secret Service helped him home. Knowing that Hillary was waiting for him, they left him at the door, rang the doorbell and quickly ran back to the black SUVs.

Hillary, having had this happen one too many times, decided to scare him into stop this riotous living.

Earlier in the day, she went to the local costume shop and rented a devil costume. She also bought hte props, like smoke machines, fire shooters and all the other stuff to make their living room look like Dante's Hell.

The doorbell rang. Hillary swung the door open with Bill just standing there, blurry-eyed. She screeched, "You better stop drinking! You better STOP DRINKING or I will take you with me to HELL!"

Bill slurred, "Who-who are-are you?"

"I'm the Devil!" she cackled with an evil laugh.

"It's nice to meet you. I married your sister."

haha,

For decades, two heroic statues made of stone, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking conspiratorially. Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll poop on its head."